No...No, Not Yet

Why are cycling jerseys always sooooo hideous? Like how did this come about? In my mind, it went something like this: A bunch of cyclists were standing around trying to design the first jersey. One would come up with a design and the others were all No, No we're not there yet...it's not as obnoxious as I was hoping...let's give it another go. Here are some examples:

Is this guy serious? This might be the Number One of all times UGLIEST Cycling kit. This guy is obviously not married, or not even dating for that matter b/c no woman would let her man walk out of the house with this on. Well, unless she hated him that is.

Or this Jersey...a human billboard at its finest. Not just any billboard though, a home pregnancy test billboard. It even seems like the jersey color fades to the same color as a positive response, how nice.

Patriotic Splatter Paint. World of NOOOOOOOO.




Full Body Zebra Print. The designers of this outfit probably made fun of fat kids and orphans in school. Just a guess.

I'm not even sure what this next jersey is even trying to represent. All I know is that it sorta makes me want to poke my own eyes out.

Oh look, a sleeveless tuxedo jersey. Really? Well at least he can stop off at a highschool prom while out on his ride if he so desires. Genius.

The fact that jerseys are so ugly is not even debatable...it is just a fact. I think they are ridiculously ugly for a couple reasons. First of all, blame it on the pro riders. They wear whatever their sponsors give them. Or should I say they wear whatever the disgruntled designer/would-be-artist at the outsourced marketing company their sponsor is currently using gives them. And what is the designer's job? Come up with a billboard, a very, very obnoxious billboard. And why do we wear what the pro's wear? We're sheep. Colorblind sheep.

Another reason they might be so ugly is b/c the designers were trying to be cute/funny. Take this Goofy (WTF in itself) jersey. At first one might think, Oh Goofy, isn't this a funny jersey...its so whimsical and clever. 3 seconds later, the joke has worn off and your riding buddies are either thinking of ways to kill you or at least ways of destroying your moronic Goofy Jersey, cause God knows you'll wear it again and again if they don't "take one for the team."

Yet another reason they might be so ugly is the fact that a garish jersey might draw more attention to drivers. Now that I think about it though, I reject this theory for 2 reasons:

(a) bright jerseys don't have to be ugly

(b) drivers mights just be so disgusted with your jersey, they just might try to take you and your Goofy jersey out...for the sake of everyone.

Anyway, this is a worthless post...just something that has been on my mind. Don't even get me started with the spandex shorts, especially on men. Really? I mean, I strongly feel there should be at least 2 layers between me and testicles. 2 layers...its not too much to ask is it? Okay, the end. I honestly could go on and on about this so I'll just save you all the torture.